For some, Valentine’s Day provides a reason to break out the bubbly; for others, it’s an excuse to stay in and avoid all the lovey-dovey hoopla. But whether Valentine’s Day has you celebrating or scowling, these ICD-10 codes are sure to elicit a chuckle or two:

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1. I Love You, but I Love Me (More)

Feeling preoccupied with your own self-importance? You might not be alone, but you could certainly end up that way. If ICD-10 code “F60.81, Narcissistic Personality Disorder” describes you to a T, then chances are, your ego doesn’t leave much room for loving your valentine. And upon discovering your tendency toward self-adoration, he or she might toss the “MEANT TO BE” conversation heart and head for the hills.

2. Not-So-Cute Bunny

A bunny might seem like a good V-Day gift; but although they’re cute, cuddly, and fluffy, they also happen to have adorable little sharp teeth. So while bunnies might be darling, your valentine might not appreciate receiving a diagnosis of “W55.81XA, bitten or struck by other mammals, initial encounter” when you have to rush him or her to the ER for an unsightly rodent bite.

3. Good Ol’ Struck by a Puck

So your relationship has survived the bunny bites and self-obsession; now, it’s time to take your valentine out on the town. But beware: If your idea of a romantic date involves ice, brawls, and hockey sticks, your date would benefit from keeping his or her eyes open for fast-flying objects. ICD-10 code “W21.220A, struck by ice hockey puck, initial encounter” might lead to a game-induced black eye—an ending not quite as romantic as what you might have envisioned.

4. In Fondue Time

Who doesn’t love bread and fruit dipped in molten hot cheese—or chocolate? I happen to know a few vegans who wouldn’t appreciate the cheesy goodness, but let’s pretend your valentine isn’t on a plant-based diet. When dipping your dinner in cheddar, be careful of how deep you drop your morsels into the melting pot—because you could end up with a diagnosis of “X10.1XXS, contact with hot food.” No one wants to lose a finger over fondue gone wrong.

5. Slipping Up

Congrats! Your valentine has braved narcissism, rabid bunnies, flying pucks, and molten cheese. Now, for your next antic: As you walk together, hand-in-hand, you might think it’s cute to playfully trip your date in public. Well, think again: ICD-10 code “W18.42XA, slipping, tripping and stumbling without falling due to stepping into hole or opening, initial encounter” might be the summary of an embarrassing story your valentine won’t live down for years.

6. The Infallible Film

A movie theater is a safe and romantic place to take a date, right? This ICD-10 code suggests otherwise: “Y92.2, movie house or cinema as the place of occurrence of the external cause.” Accidents happen everywhere, folks. And if you’re on a rotten date—and seeing a terrible movie—the accident could end up being self-inflicted.

7. If at First You Don’t Succeed, Buy a Puppy

Buying your valentine a bunny might’ve been a bad call, but no one can resist a puppy. A sweet pup is a surefire way to woo your valentine, right? But what happens when your sweetie is allergic to dogs? There’s an ICD-10 code for that: “L23.81, allergic contact dermatitis due to animal (cat) (dog) dander.” If this is the case, you might need to make a stop at the pharmacy for some Benadryl—if your date hasn’t already ditched you, that is.

8. Love’s a Picnic

If you haven’t lost your valentine yet, he or she must really care for you. It might be time to pack up a basket full of your favorite lunch fare and drive to a beautiful grassy hill where you can chat about your budding love while enjoying an expertly-packed picnic. But be careful where you lay your checkered blanket, because “T63.424A, toxic effect of venom of ants, undetermined, initial encounter” is no joke.

9. If You Like it, Put a Plastic Ring on it

Precious metal rings can be expensive; plus, it might be a cute gesture to get your valentine a ring that’s less permanent—and less serious. I’m talking a plastic, vending machine-style ring. But beware of placing that plastic gem on your love’s finger over candlelight; otherwise, he or she might receive the unfortunate diagnosis of “X06.0XXS, exposure to ignition of plastic jewelry.” Apparently, plastic isn’t forever—unless it’s melted to your finger.

10. Don’t Choke

If you’ve made it to day number 10—and your valentine love is still intact—nice work! On the other hand, if your goal was to ditch your sweetheart—and it hasn’t happened yet—then this is your last chance. If you’re successful, you can look forward to eating pizza alone while watching reruns of your favorite ’90s sitcoms. The pressure is on, and now’s not the time to choke. So, you’ll want to steer clear of “K11.l7, disturbances of salivary secretion,” as it can cause dry mouth and trouble swallowing, tasting, or even speaking. Do those symptoms sound all-too-familiar? Maybe it’s just love that’s left you speechless—or maybe a trip to the ER was your last-ditch effort to lose your valentine in 10 days.

All jokes aside, I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine’s Day, and I hope you don’t follow any of my advice. Remember to keep your eye on the WebPT Blog as we cover all aspects of ICD-10 throughout the month of February. And if you just can’t get enough zany ICD-10 codes, be sure to check out this post.

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